Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
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Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
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yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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