i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
