I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
bring money and cleavage
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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