I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize