and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
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