We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize