I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
