Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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