So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
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Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
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He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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