Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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