Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
