i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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