So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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