awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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