Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My first STD was from a foam party
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize