Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize