If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
