Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
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At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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