cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
