If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
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On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
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Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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