god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
