it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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