....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
