Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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