I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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