We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
