You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
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He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
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Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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