my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
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We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
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Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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