I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
