The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
