i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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