If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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