You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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