Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
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I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
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Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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