you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
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And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
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PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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