If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
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it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
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If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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