I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.