Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety