would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.