You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
