Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
