I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
