he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
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When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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