2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
