ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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