peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
