i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize