First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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