I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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