It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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