we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
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he tried to breastfeed my turtle
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
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She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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