bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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