Rock
Scissors
Fuck
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
